I always pondered the funny questions and topics of children - even as a child myself as I was having just such a whimsical discussion with myself about how strange it was to be thinking so suddenly about something I never had before!
Why is it that suddenly you become an age and a certain topic becomes post-haste important, necessary, and extremely serious?
I happened to mention to said five-year old son last week that I thought a certain little girl (shall call her 'L') in his class would make a lovely friend. This was partially because I encourage Romeo to be friendly, to gravitate towards 'good' children, and because 'L' wasn't finding it particularly easy assimilating into the social scene (sounds so significant I know, and truth be told it is since I know the ramifications of that feeling (as an aside I would like to state here that mine was a situation of having the loveliest hair and no-one could cope with that and so teased me beyond redemption - of course I didn't know that until an adult did I? Dammit! Allows me to teach my children different, bigger bonus than my own suffering really)).
Anyhow, back to this serious social scene that five-year olds must assimilate into...
...well can of worms was opened that I hadn't known existed....should have kept my mouth closed! Like I can read the minds of five-year olds (lord the money I could make if that was so.....*daydreaming*).
It turns out that said son's classmates - well as far as I can grasp girl classmates - have had some (read some as a fair amount, a shirtload in fact) discussion about MARRIAGE.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ah nooooo
Cool (is that word kosher for an adult, a parent???), marriage. Aha. Yeah!
WHAT??? (What colour is shock? well, for now mine's blue....because the blood drained from my face!).
So Romeo calmy mentions in passing, the other day, as he jumps on his mini trampoline, watching Curious George on the television (it's cold and a bit rainy so yeah the tv is on and the mini trampoline is inside), that he is going to marry a girl in his class....and it starts with an 'A'. Gee that's a hard one, only one girl starts with an 'A', hmmm how can I drag this one out.....make up fake 'A' names for girls who don't exist in his class? Yup.
'No, dilly dooly' is what I got! 'A....'! Oh!, of course, silly me!
That's nice honey, but I really like 'L'. 'I know, but I'm going to marry 'A....'. Oh my Lord....there goes my parental influence when he's 30 years old. Dammit....I thought I could maintain it but a five-year old conversation topic has managed to wipe out my entire parental control.
Well, that was easy, being side-swiped! I didn't feel a thing, didn't see it coming, and yet here I am sitting on my behind...sucker-punched! Bugger.
Okay, so it's not that bad but I enjoyed the idea that these kids were writing off my parental influence.....I suddenly felt so much lighter - like the proverbial monkey fell off my back, like the greatest weight had been lifted. Throw my hands up, admit defeat, do it now! DO IT NOW!
Bugger too slow. 'Mama, can I have some crackers?' (right before dinner). 'No, honey, but after dinner if you eat everything up nicely!'. Yeah, dammit, I maintained my loaded position.
The funny thing is, it isn't as simple as I thought. This whole marriage thing is quite the 'thing', well this week anyhow.
'A', who is quite the little talker, guider, bossy-boots, but looks so sweet and butter-wouldn't-ever-never-ever-melt-in-my-mouth, was looking all puffed up and isn't-this-the-bees-knees happy when she cornered me in the class today as I admired the fish swimming in a green tank (how do you get water such a lovely shade of green and you have a special vacuum for that?? Really, fascinating!). Simply cornered me and said 'do you know who Romeo's going to marry?'. I looked all out-of-the-know, Bond's 007 poker-face, been-out-of-the-social-loop-for-too-long look, 'ahhhhh, no?'.
'Me!'. 'Oh, that's so sweet!' Her mother actually told me a few days before that she has been going to marry 3 other boys before this, so obviously this is not a novelty, but she still looked quite stoked, like the cat who got the cream kind of happy!
She wandered away and I pondered the really amazing shade of green that 'Popeye' the class fish was enduring! Resilient!
Not five minutes later sweet, cute, innocent, blonde little, did I mention cute? 'A' returns with a skip and a bit of confidence to say in her off-hand but it's-really-so-important-and-rather-serious manner that 'I can't get married until I'm sixteen!'. In case I was planning the wedding luncheon in my diary just now (I fancy a luncheon for my son's wedding...I do!).
So long as we are clear on that......sixteeeeeen, 16, one six, ten plus six. twenty minus four, sixteen.
Might enrol my daughter in a Muslim school....which country wears the full veil and flogs it's men for even breathing near a woman? That'd be perfect!
Ed. xx
2 comments:
lmao. it must be all the royal wedding hype that got A interested in the marriage thing.
Let me tell you, the girls in the class are still giving me sideways glances....like they KNOW something....it's kind of unnerving. The other day one was twiddling with my hair and calling me by my name and they couldn't sit close enough like they needed to be selected as the best candidate for marrying my son! At least they realise at this early age the importance of impressing the mother-in-law to be! Ed. xx
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